According to Law 10 of the 48 Laws of Power, Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and the Unlucky
“You can die from someone else’s misery-emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but your are only participating in your own disaster. The unfortunate bring misfortune on themselves, they will always draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.”
Reflection with my work in Laws 10 toxic personality infection.
Last year and it was my first time to work with colleague K. At beginning, there was ok and she was very focus on the detailed and even obsessed in every detailed thing in life. I found that another main drawback of her was complaining every detail thing in her life.
Her husband is terrible and lazy and not earn much money. Her husband’s parents came to her house and never do housework and she wondered why she didn’t marry some rich husband like another friend. Her rent is so expensive and her parents were sick………. I just felt that there are not positive things in her life.
Unfortunately, I suffered workplace bully emotionally and wanted to find some support blindly. I agreed that I made mistakes and talked with K few times in phones about my own problem. I wish that she was the one who can understand and support me in some way. Because we worked it together. But unfortunately, it was wrong. She can’t not understand or help anything due to her negativity and limited knowledge. Even my positive side were dragged by her negativity a lot.
In my memory, there had some traits of her who I need avoid in future.
1, Strong negativity and complain in life.
2, Too much focus on detailed and long wailed speech made me lost patience.
3, I found that she is two faces and had good relationship with my bully group.
4, I gave her some gifts and favour and she never return and never appreciated. I have another rule in life, I will use small gift and favour to test this person’s integrity, if she never appreciates or return. It means that this person is not worth to build long time relationship.
5, She spread negative view regarding to one of leader badly. It caused that all friends’ leader know her. She refused request to help another’s leader and watched another people closely.
I agreed that I made my mistakes and knew people in wrong way.
These characteristics of infectors
The best way to protect yourself is by paying close attention to the people you surround yourself with, so you see any ominous signs. Start by considering their effects on others, rather than on who/what they blame for their problems. Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky.
Watch for these characteristics of infectors to avoid the unhappy and the unlucky:
They bring misery on themselves and others.
They exude discontent.
They have tumultuous histories.
They’ve left behind a trail of failed relationships.
They’ve had unstable careers.
They have a charisma that overwhelms people, especially their ability to reason.
Whatever you do, don’t feel sorry for them — you’ll entangle yourself in trying to help. While you’re beside yourself with frustration, they’ll carry on unchanged. Watch out for infection: Avoid the unhappy and the unlucky
Associate with people who are positive and good fortune.
At the other end of the spectrum, there are people who attract happiness and spread it. Do everything you can to associate with these people, so you share in the positive vibes and good fortune they attract.
For example, if I feel that I lacks leadership and confidence, I should work with confident leader. I did work with J for 6 years and feel that I learnt so much leadership skills and wisdom from her. L is same type of person like me. Very thoughtful and gentle. But for leadership skills, she lacks self-confidence and command of order.
Help people who genuine been thrusted into unfortunate
They are another type person and they are others who are not born to misfortunate or unhappiness but who draw it upon themselves by bad luck. It would be a great thing if we could raise the them up and change their patterns, but more often that not it is their patterns that end up getting inside and changing us.
I use this to reflection of my own life. 2022 was the hardest year of me. I thought that my emotions were engaged deeply with my mentor’ misfortunate. When my sympathy and emotion went so deeply, it effects my mental health so much and my mood was in depress for long time.
I agreed with Robert Green and I thought that I wanted to help her. But her situations are too complicated than I imagine. She faced to illness, death and marriage break down. This is nothing which I can help. Because I linked with my emotion deeply with her and it dragged my mental health so down.
I misplace my position as subordinate. It will best to create distance with me and her. So I can regain my mental strength and happiness. I still have soft spot in my heart with her. It took me long time to walk out.
However, helping those who have genuinely been thrusted into unfortunate times are safe to help because
- You cannot expect to retain power by instantly cutting of allies when they go through hard times,
- Offering help can be a “free lunch”,
- It protects and strengthens your reputation,
- It can help you appeal to their self-interest,
- You can disarm them with generosity, and the list goes on and on. As a side note, he also said that he does not follow all 48 laws at all times and someone who does would likely be insufferable. Don’t forget about law 48, never become rigid in your thinking and try to apply all laws to all situations.
Wisdom from law 10 in my life
Robert Greene explicitly says that people who have misfortune thrown onto them deserve our sympathy and help. But people who constantly bring it onto themselves should be avoided because they will inevitably bring it on you too. He’s not suggesting you avoid everyone or cut people off when they go through bad times. He’s saying the people who constantly make poor choices, never see the positives in life, and refuse to change their behaviours to help themselves are lost causes and helping them will also bring you down.
