Overview of Law #20: Do Not Commit to Anyone
Do not commit to anyone except yourself. By maintaining your independence, you remain in control — others will vie for your attention, and you can play one side against another.
Stay aloof and don’t commit yourself, and you’ll gain power and attention as people try to win you over. Give them hope, but nothing more.
Principles
You’ll get respect if you refuse to commit to a person or group, so do not commit to anyone. According to Law 20 of the 48 Laws of Power, you’ll be powerful because you’re unattainable by either side. The more independent you appear to be, the more people will want you on their side. Desire is contagious — when people see that someone else is desired, they want to get in on the action too.
However, if you commit, you’ll instantly lose your luster — you’ll no longer be desired and sought after.
When people are courting your support, they’ll use many tactics, including gifts and favors, to create a sense of obligation. Accept the gifts if you want to, but don’t feel or accept any obligation.
Don’t offend anyone or appear to be averse to commitment. Focus instead on keeping others excited and interested in you and hoping for an alliance. Play the game for your own advantage, but do not commit to anyone.
My work reflection regarding to law 20
My emotion commits to one mentor, and it made me miserable.
When we involved with emotions, and we trapped ourselves inside and cannot see the whole situation. I love Rober Green’s another rules. It called never commit yourself to one person or one group. Because if you commit yourself in one person or a group. You lose your own power and become puppet of another people.
Our emotion and your decision are all controlled by one person or a group.
The top of your self-confidence and you need train yourself like water flow. When the water flow into anywhere, it will shape whatever the situation, the person is. I think that it is top wisdom. Because you are so adaptable and flexible. You can adjust yourself to suit different kind of personality, characteristics. Inside of yourself, you keep your genuine, but outside, you are as water flow.
In 2022, I used to have some period time and I didn’t feel very well in emotional and I just felt that my emotions were overwhelm by sadness. This is because I made myself emotion commit to one mentor.
It took me long time to move on and one of her friends used to say few suggestions.
1, Laid off your strong emotions and she didn’t like it as worship.
2, Strong emotion made you look so miserable, and obsession scare people and make people feel discomfortable.
I wish there is no people will know how deep emotions I suffer and how strange my obsession is. I will force myself to distance, to create some space, to remind myself my situation about subordinate. Not friend.
My dark side of human nature’s reflection.
I always remind me this point. Today, I realized my dark side
1, Not feel self-confident enough for long time and tried to hide behind confident and strong leader. Self-reliance need improve.
2, The bully group trigger oneself double and self-confidence and insecurity part.
2, Fear and self-doubt when the group of bullies target me. I feel quite weak and scare to face them all by myself without any further support. Because I feel that I were be watched every day and be criticized every day. My reputation and the ways were judged.
It is quite interesting that when I watched each of member individually, they are not bad person, but when they joined together as group and thinking as group, be influenced by group. They could be so evil to deal with. They can make your life as hell with so much psychological tricks.
Now, I am fully speaking out and stand up by myself. I could say that I will forgive them all and I will never forget all.
I need train myself become more self-confident, self-dependence instead of putting all hope to another people.
One 3 years old child ever told me that you need fight your own rights and speak out what you want, in the world, there will no people speak out for you, if you don’t do by yourselves. There will no people fight your rights if you don’t fight your own.
How my mentor play the games
Principles
People will constantly try to pull you into their quarrels and conflicts. According to Law 20 of the 48 Laws of Power, if you succumb, their problems will consume your time and energy. Don’t succumb — there’s nothing in it for you; the conflict will just keep growing.
However, you don’t want to offend people, so seem interested, listen, and even make gestures of seeming support. But don’t get involved emotionally or otherwise. By refusing to commit, you preserve your autonomy and initiative. You can make your own choices rather than reacting defensively to developments in someone else’s fight.
Further, if you let others exhaust themselves, you may be able to capitalize on their exhaustion, or position yourself to benefit when one side starts losing. You can also play mediator,and look out for your own interests. You can appear to take one side, encouraging the other side to come up with a better offer. Or seem to take both sides, and play them against each other. While you may be tempted to side with the apparently stronger party, you can’t be sure who will win. Preserve your flexibility and do not commit to anyone.
While getting along with all sides for as long as possible has great advantages, dropping the supportive stance and publicly declaring your independence is the best course if you’re striving to build respect.
Three examples related with my work.
1, When I told my mentor bully accidents happen, she only said,” it must threat you.” Only one sentence and she called back and we discussed as general. Then One of bully member was her leader that time, when I wrote down all report to the management, my mentor only said,” I didn’t want to know all detailed.” Till now, my mentor kept very good relationship with five members of bullies. She kept very neutral and don’t commit with no one. She plays this rule very well. All people can be server for her. She had best reputation to deal with conflict.
It is not worth for her to fight for one subordinate like me and even not worth for her to choose which side to stand up.
It is so worth for me to learn.
2, Previous leader D tried to play this rule. But she plays very badly with her cunning and sly personality. She is best friend of S and she is the one involved spread gossip and conflict. Unfortunately, she was leader who has power over me a d she can use her power to write down report, manipulated and deny my feeling and claim. When I didn’t feel comfortable about her close friendship with S, I worried that it would affect justice. She became so offended and showed discontent feeling strongly.
Then she used different occasions to record and report me. After that, I understand fully that she wanted to play as neutral. Her integrity and emotions cannot do it. After that, I never trust and talk with her except work. They are same bully group. Just from surface and act like professionals.
3, H and N cannot get along with together in the team. One occasion, I saw N was crying and I opened one meeting room door for her, I gave her one cup of water and one tissue box, I left her with the boss and leader.
After that day, I sent her short message and made sure she was all right.
That week, H also sick in hospital and not sure whether it was related with accident with N. I never asked H the reason. I saw that A was asked H long time and tried to offer suggestions, comfort before meeting.
For me, I learnt this rule and just knew, and it was more than enough. It was not necessarily involved. I still need kept good relationship with H and N. I didn’t want to commit anyone to build more enemy. I did tell N about my thoughts and gave her support. But it doesn’t mean that I choose to become enemy of H. This is rule which my mentor play very well with me and bullies’ members.
4, I speak out when D and S joined together to work harassment towards N. The main reason for me to post comments under team and supported N. It was because they were bully members which use same strategies towards me. I stand up for another and also for myself.
Rules 20 Don’t commit anyone stories in Robert Green book
For example, during the 1968 presidential election, Henry Kissinger secured a promise of a high-level administration post from both the Republican, Richard Nixon, and the Democrat, Hubert Humphrey. In return, he gave the Nixon camp information on the Paris peace talks about Vietnam; and he gave Humphrey’s team inside information on Nixon.
When he joined the Nixon administration, he was careful not to seem overly loyal to Nixon. He avoided being tainted by Watergate, and went on to serve under the next president.
By holding back, you retain the ability to play one side against another to get something you want. As secretary of state, Kissinger wanted a detente between the U.S. and Soviet Union. So he courted China — this brought the Soviets to the negotiating table because they feared isolation if the U.S. and China developed a relationship. Kissinger knew how to follow Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone.
Here’s another example of how to apply Law 20 of the 48 Laws of Power: When Queen Elizabeth I assumed the English throne in 1958, she came under great pressure to marry and produce heirs. She received all kinds of advice and many suitors, who she allowed to court her, but she never chose anyone.
Elizabeth refused to commit because she knew marriage in her position would lead to untold problems. Marrying someone from another nation could pull her into conflicts, rivalries, and wars. Her husband would become the de facto ruler, and might try to eliminate her. By maintaining her independence, she retained her power and desirability, and ruled the country through a long period of peace.
Here’s yet another example of the power of Law 20 of the 48 Laws of Power: In the late 15th century, Isabella, the ruler of a small city-state in Italy, surrounded by larger warring city-states, managed to preserve her territory’s independence and stay out of others’ wars by appearing open to overtures from other powers without accepting any, avoiding provocation, and by engaging in complicated negotiations and ruses. She employed her personal charm, flattery, and strategic skills, and while other entities and leaders rose and fell around her, Isabella’s territory, Mantua, remained intact for a century after her death.
Exceptions to Law 20
Are there any exceptions to Law 20 of the 48 Laws of Power? You can go too far with both sub-laws of Law 20: making others court you, and staying above the fray.
Various parties could gang up on you, if your manipulations become too obvious. Also, if you string too many people along for too long, they’ll lose interest in you. At that point, you may want to commit to a side, but don’t get emotionally involved, and keep open the option to back out anytime. Be careful with it, but try to follow Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone.
Reference: https://www.shortform.com/blog/48-laws-of-power-law-20-do-not-commit-to-anyone/
