Toxic type of coworkers and strategies to deal with them
Colleague D (quiet and very sly and deceive manipulator)
1, Quietness made people very hard to understand her real thinking and intention. You only need judge from small things how she handles with.
2, But she and S are best friends and shared a lot of same interests, went to outside to travel together, shopping together. I guessed that the close friendship is go over normal workmate professional relationship. Same group people always share same interest.
S lost father when she was young and same with D.
S is deeper narcissist and they must share with same manipulate character.
3, D will observe you carefully and wrote down what you did and then report you. This made her behaviors quite sly and hard to predict.
4, D also never shared with her emotions and lost control like her best friend S. But she cannot act fair as leader, and she didn’t have any leadership skills and can handle things fairly. Her thinking was largely affected by her emotional touching with her best friend S.
5, She gave Christmas presents for me and she left tag on. it wrote down $16. Then I found that it was $3 in discount. This small thing totally damage my trust with her.
What her behavior shows her deceive.
When I told her my worry and she cannot handle and be fair as witness.
Her response should be neutral and professional. Such as
I understand how you feel and worry. I will try my best to help issue smooth. Instead of that, she said, ” I didn’t like what you comment about my friendship with S.” What I said was truth and she cannot deny. But how she handled as professional leader are quite disappointed. This was why she was down from leadership role. She never earns my trust and any professionalism. My mentor like her because her deceive manners in many occasions.
Manipulators behaver and comments
She will try to gaslight you about your emotion and understanding.
eg, “Everyone do for the benefit of project. You don’t make a big deal. ” This is what she feels and not what I feel. I guess that if people go to swear and her, she humiliated will never say like this. So, this tell me that her judgements are very bias and only based on the opinion and emotions between she and her best friends.
In 2023, there was some incidents happen between her and her best friends and another leader. It clearly that she and her friends combined together and try to manipulator and gain more power.
Strategies
1, Never share any negative comments regarding to no on with her. She will use it as tools to hurt back.
2, Keep very far physical distance and avoid any necessary contact.
3, Never need ask or share any normal private talking.
4, Broken trust and never will retore it, she will just another subtle type of narcissist. She has nothing inspiring for me to learn or admire.
5, Be very mindful to share any opinions towards her with any colleagues. They can be her friends in future. (I made this mistake with HM and they become good friends)
6, D acted like spy and 100% sure as close friend, they share every gossip outside of work.
Colleague A ( Fake social queen and power hungry vampire)
She is power hunger and she had huge ego and think that she is superior than people in her heart. She is not angry like S. From observations, she tried to gain her support, tried to only socialize or have long chat with high hierarchy leader. She thinks that she is same with them. Even she just has degree, she know better than another employee. At beginning of year, she was annoyed so many people and pointed fingers to people.
She wears fake smiles and when she had chance, always try to show her knowledge and her power.
Her friendly face and behaviors are only limit open for some people. She is not treating all people with same approachable touch.
After 9 months in company, she knew that it would take long time for her to become leader position and she quit after 9 months.
I deal with her 3 years ago when she was traderships. From surface and she was quite talkative and friendly, willing to help.
After years to deal with her, it can see and feel that power hunger, artificial and fake behaviors towards ordinary employee. Super lazy and focus on easy job. Flattery and super friendly towards hierarchy people. Especially she joined with bully group, it made terrible time of my work.
Strategies:
1, She is passive and aggressive. She uses different kinds of strategies and not get job done.
2, She showed her power when she could.
3, Keep distance with her and when she tried to use subtle way to bully me at beginning of 2023, I sent her message and asked her back off. She pretended to become so shock.
4, For passive and aggressive type, Rober green said that use bold movement and show them your aggressive part with assertive. After that, she never brother me and quit her job in Sep 2022. It also shows that she looks for more power because she got some sort of high position.
If you ever went through hard time to deal with some toxic employee and need read more about human nature.
My strategies recover from workplace bullies (stayhealthfit.com)
