I learnt some life lessons for my social circle. A while ago and one relative gave me some suggestions and whether I am so humble to show off? Is it the one of reason to be workplace bully? Is because my down to earth personality, humble attitude to cause workplace bully? Because they think that you are no body and can abuse you as much as they can?1, I did some test and change few ways for me to deal with people. It was so interesting and made me to think for a while. Is someone show off their successful and wealth to another people? It this will attract people’s respect or less chance to workplace bully.I had some communication with some friends and close workmates. I did tell them something which I am not comfortable to tell anyone in the past. Such as I began to run my property portfolio 16 years ago and built a good portfolio. Now I began to build share portfolio. But guess what, not too many people want to know more further or ask me questions.It reminded me to record Dale’s book “How to influence people and make friends?”Rules 1, you will spend long time to make people interested in you than you began to interest in another people’s life.Practice experience: I did spend some time to build some relationship with few very reliable workmates. They are honest and high integrity. I began to remember their birthday date, praise their effort, write down Christmas cards for them. Care for their family members. When their family member sick, I gave them some presents. I love to listen their stories related with their family if they want to share. Their baby showers. But I need be careful not go too much privacy boundaries.I found that it is so interesting and after testing these strategies. I got my first ever baby shower invitation from one staff. In 2022, it is one of highlight experience which I never be invited by English speaking people as close friend. I think that I will keep support her even she will be maternity leave.Another highlight point, I began to work with one of leader five years ago. I never think of to build such close relationship with her. We just workmates relationship for few years and I bought basic good presents for her. Till last year, I felt that something began to change, her father pass away. I began to really think of her sometimes and concerned her feeling. Then the change point is workplace bully at the end of 2021, it really gives me hard time especially when a group of young low integrity people to give me hard time every moment. Then we had coffee break at 2021 and her support and warm words really changed my view and feeling.At 2022 April, she called me when I was in worst mental break because suffer. I began to our friendship as prior as anything else in my workplace.Rules 2“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” — Dale CaniegeI went back to the experience how one young girl become very resentful towards me and also spread gossips and joined workplace bully. It is one of important lesson for me to learn. At beginning, I found that she was not very new employee, however she was always late for lunch and took extra time, leave early 45 mins and love high position people so much. When high position people came around, she became so friendly and work so hard. Then when leader left, she totally changes her face to opposite. I mentioned her few times and should arrived on time. Then she became so resentful. I went back to think my experience, I probably should be more diplomatic to tell her or just refer to high position people especially she belongs to such low integrity people.At least, I should not let this type of people become my because they can be so dangerous. In the following month, she joined with workplace bully to spread gossips. On one occasion, she became so aggressive and confronted to make fake statement.Rule3, if you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleI am not sure whether I agree with this totally. Maybe this rules only for average friends or workmates. This is why I never reveal my real wealthy and large amount reading list. It became pointless that if your wealthy cannot benefit people. No people will care for your wealthy or materials, unless your knowledge and wealthy can benefit or change people.Rule 4,The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So, the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends & Influence PeopleI found that not too many people will care another people ‘s life. From my point of view, not all people are really value your attention and energy. Even some high position people, such as some doctor too. I used look after one little girl, and she is quite rude. She always looks down upon people and you feel terrible her attitude and mood. She will sometime hurt you. But guess what her age is, she is only 4 years old.For different value or low integrity people, I didn’t find that value my energy and time and even socialized with them.Some types of people are only care for themselves and their life. In conversation and they will dominate their own things. Never give much chance for another people to talk. I found that just keep basic goodbye and hello relationship with this type of people.When you find someone had high integrity value, it will first step to get close this kind of people. Another type of people is high integrity value. They had so many years’ experiences in different filed. The most important is honesty and warm manners with people. I found that it will take time to build relationship with them due to culture and trust. But when you build deep relationship, you care their family member and it will very worth to build meaningful relationship with them.Rule 5,If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. —- Dale CarnegieThis is good rules and I had workmate and she is around 35. She is not bad person; however, she ticked all this rules and didn’t know why people don’t like her much. It is journey for people to record what they learn. If you didn’t write down in journal and review yourself. It will hard know how to improve.I love to listen to the people who are my best mentor and can give me a lot of suggestions. I like offer help to the people who I care most and value most.Rules 6,PRINCIPLE 1 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. PRINCIPLE 2 Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.” PRINCIPLE 3 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. PRINCIPLE 4 Begin in a friendly way. PRINCIPLE 5 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. PRINCIPLE 6 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. PRINCIPLE 7 Let the other person feel that the idea” —–Dale CarnegieSometimes, you cannot avoid arguments when the people came to you and try to challenge you. I need practice and learn to set up boundaries. When some people insulted your esteem and made unnecessary criticism, you need say to them. “I didn’t feel comfortable about the way you talk with me, could you please talk with me with respect next time.” I love principle 5 Get the other people do a great deal. But if they talk meaningful things and it will wonderful.
